Little spoons don't ask big questions
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
