i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
