Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
