Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I DEMAND FORESKIN
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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