Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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