I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
