You work out of a Hotel?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
