Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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