my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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