well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
