please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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