I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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