Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
