I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize