I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
