I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize