i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
