Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
