is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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