umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize