**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
