Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
