I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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