Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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