Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
