so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
