You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize