Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
