i would punch a child for taco bell
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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