this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
why is half of my head shaved?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
