I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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