i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i dont even know how to be here
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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