i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
