I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I need to stop coming to work sober
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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