Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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