your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
