i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
This couple is walking their pig around campus
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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