Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
