He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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