girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
