Your tits are I can't wait for
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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