my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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