why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I could fuck to npr.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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