Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
