i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
