after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
