yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
