then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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