Just cropdusted the office
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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