I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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