im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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