coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
