My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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