Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
