i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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