Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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