I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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