Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
