i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
