her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
