can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
