Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Boobs speak an international language.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
