Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
