My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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