I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
