I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
