nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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