you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
