that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize