my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
