I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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